Take The Lead

A woman has the capacity for unlimited pleasure. Although she may be rendered momentarily content, it seems she is virtually insatiable and will never be completely satisfied. In contrast, men are seemingly easily satisfied. Seldom is it heard that a man requires his woman to change (usually, he doesn’t want her to and that’s another problem). Often, to the point of stereotype, is the story told of women requiring their men to change. Sometimes, disappointed and unfulfilled, they will leave in endless pursuit of Mr. Perfect. Others will stay to wreak (or leak) their dissatisfaction on the man who will often not defend himself – until, at some point he bolts out the door. Women are tough. They know men are capable of more and they hope for and even expect it. They expect to be treated like the Goddesses they are. Men have to be tougher. Men, you have to become Tango Gods.

Angel Coria insists that the man must lead. He must lead the tango at all times and he must lead well. If he stops leading, even for a moment, the woman will begin to think. This can be dangerous. If the woman begins to think she will undoubtedly realize that she is dissatisfied about something, about anything, maybe just the fact that he momentarily stopped leading, maybe the color of his shirt. Angel jokes, in Spanish with gestures, that the woman will want to get married, make a home, then have children, and all of this is very dangerous to the man.

Since my mind is often my own worst enemy I savor the moments in which I can be rendered thoughtless. Somehow, solitary meditation doesn’t quite have the same appeal or effect that being embraced by the music, the man and the magic of tango.

I don’t always want to ‘lead’ my life. As an independent, single, self-employed, mother of two, I have ‘led’ far too much.  I started leading the tango because I was bored; because I wasn’t being ‘properly’ and consistently led; because the repertoires of the men I was dancing with were limited and I began to know what was coming next; because I was far more inspired to co-create with the music than they were; because I wanted to expand my knowledge, my dance, and to teach.

But, as a woman, what I long for is to surrender; to be securely embraced by a skillful and creative leader and taken to Tango nirvana. After two husbands, several dance partners and several other lovers, I’m having a difficult time trusting that’s going to happen anytime soon. If and when it does … you can be sure that I’m never going to want it to end.


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